My child is scared of Halloween decorations: what helps

Advice from Psychology Today, CHOC and Today lines up on the basics. Validate the fear. Preview decorations in daylight. Explain what is pretend and what is real. Let your child opt out. Keep a familiar Plan B costume ready. And do not avoid Halloween entirely. A small, gentle Halloween is still Halloween.

Why it feels so real at this age

A grown-up sees a plastic skeleton on a lawn. A preschooler may simply see a skeleton. The same guidance points out that preschoolers may believe a person in a mask "has actually transformed" into the character. So the neighbor in the wolf mask is not, to them, the neighbor at all.

That is why "it's not real" often is not enough on its own. It is hard to believe when the thing is right there, at night, making a noise. So turn pretend versus real into a game you play all month, in good light, with you beside them.

• Hold up something and ask, "Real or pretend?" A teddy bear, a toy dinosaur, a paper ghost, a real apple.
• Put on a hat and a silly voice, then take the hat off. "Look, it's still me."
• Let your child try on a hat or a mask in front of a mirror, so they are the one doing the changing.
• If a masked grown-up frightens your child and you can ask, have them lift the mask for a moment so your child sees the face underneath.

Crafts help too. The gentle activities in this same advice include paper-plate jack-o'-lanterns and construction-paper bats. When your child makes a bat with a big smile, with their own hands, Halloween things start to look like something people make.

Try a daylight walk tonight or tomorrow

Pick a time when it is light out and you are not in a hurry. Walk toward the house with the big spider or the witch that cackles.

• Stop at a distance your child chooses. Do not pull them closer.
• Describe what you see in plain words. "That is a big fake spider. It is made of fuzzy stuff. Someone tied it up there with string."
• If your child wants to get closer, go together. If they want to touch it and the owner is happy with that, let them. If not, wave and walk on.
• Give it a name together. A spider called Gus is a different thing from "the spider".
• Walk past again in a day or two, and let your child decide how close to go this time.

If a decoration is at your own house, let your child help put it up, or help decide to put it away. Choosing gives them a say in what is around them.

A plan with an easy way out

A child who feels stuck has nowhere to put the fear. So build the exits in before you go.

• Agree on a go-home word, like "pumpkin". Then honor it every time, even after one house.
• Skip any house that looks like too much. Cross the street if you need to.
• Keep a Plan B costume in the bag. Familiar pajamas with paper cat ears is fine. A costume that is itchy, too long or too strange can tip a nervous child over.
• Hand out treats from your own doorway instead, or watch the costumes go by from a window. That still counts as Halloween.

Your child does not need to get over it this year. Small, calm steps are enough. If the fear seems very big, or it carries on well after Halloween, mention it to your pediatrician.

Talk about it

• "Is that scary to you? You can tell me. I'm right here."
• "Is it real or pretend? How could we find out?"
• "What should we name that spider?"
• "What's our go-home word tonight?"
• "Which part of Halloween did you like best?"

More from Storytime Crayons

Coloring a smiling ghost, a little bat or a friendly trick-or-treat walk is a gentle way to meet Halloween at the kitchen table, so print our free coloring pages and let your child pick the first one.